Fantastic entries as always, even if a few came in after the deadline.  I think you'll enjoy the mixture  Read all of the stories here

Table of Contents

Untitled by Megan E. Clark
Homecoming by L.T. Dalin
Untitled by Charles W Jones
Plan B by Nick Johns
Untitled by J M Blackman
Untitled by Nellie
Based on Terminal Restraint by Ryan Strohman
Untitled by Cara Michaels
Untitled by Rebekah Postupak

Reviews

Megan E. Clark (@TheWriterMegan)I like the concept. I wonder much, “What the heck are these people...” I also like the strikingly human way the Captain refuses to give up on those that helped him.
L. T. Dalin (@ChessnySilth)
I like the interaction between the characters. The way they talk with each other. The way they react to events. But I find myself wondering what they’re reacting to, and who the chancellor is (a government figure, perhaps? Or a religious one?)

Charles W Jones (@ChuckWesJ)
Took me a second reading to make sense of this one. That’s not a bad thing, by the way. When I realized Saul is stuck in the slime between (between what, I wonder) the sequence of events made more sense. But, it feels like I’m not fully understanding it yet...

Nick Johns (@nickjohns999)
This was fun. Felt very much like a tale of revenge.

J.M. Blackman (@J_M_Blackman)
I like the story here. All the pieces are there. It feels like a complete moment in time. I can feel the lead and the ache she lives with. I can hear the guys voice say, “Remember. But let go...”

Nellie (@solimond)
One tuff girl. Survival in the desert. Makes me wonder what Shahar is looking for, and why she’s out there. I like the visual nature of the conflict here.

Ray Strohman (@rastrohman)
It’s good to be not quite alive. An interesting clip from your novel. Black magic kept him “alive”, but would he have been better off dead?

Cara Michaels (@caramichaels)
Even if it’s past the noon time deadline, I’ll review this. Just ‘cause. I do like your tale. The way you express the thoughts of the main character as she works to resolve the predicament she is in is handled very well. It flows well. That there is a big gap in what the main character believes and what the people she’s encountered believe is also handled well. But at the end, I had too many questions about the situation itself.

Rebekah Postupak (@postupak)
Again, doesn’t bother me that you missed the time. I appreciate very much that you wrote something. I’m pretty certain anyone can reach the same conclusion as to what happened when the lights got turned out. A nice little play on the “I had everything I wanted, but nothing I really needed” idea. I like it.

I had great fun reading each story several times. Trying to figure out the HM, and the Winner. Wondering if if I read the same stories in a few days, would I get the same results. Since tomorrow does not exist, and yesterday is gone, and now is all there is...

It’s a tough one to call. But, without flipping a coin... And this could have gone either way, and I’d have been OK with that.

Honorable Mention

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J.M. Blackman

I really do like this little piece of fiction. The way the emotion of the character is illustrated so well. But... I just wanted something a little more... A little different...

Winner

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I like the descriptive nature of the action in this. It has a nice balance between describing what happens, and sticking with the point of view of the main character. I don’t need to know why she’s there, or why there are bandits to enjoy the action, and the characterization, which are handled well, and seamlessly. It’s a fun piece to read.

Untitled
By Nellie

“We will never forget the sacrifice they made, nor let it be in vain. Praise Allah.”

The quote was one of the few things still remaining on the statue. The features couldn’t be identified other than it might have been male. There was an outreaching arm but the sand had scoured the hand from the appendage and rendered the figure a shapeless blur.

Shahar gave a small snort as she gazed through around at the barren landscape. She reached up and touched a button on the side and the sand dune in the distance was magnified. The readers flashing in front of her were not picking up anything worth noting. Small blips of life but nothing large.

She pushed herself up and tugged on the lead. The camel gave a groan before getting to its feet, giving in to the command to keep moving. Metal jingled together as the armor plates over its body and neck hit against one another. She had thought the statue would mean a small town but it was a remnant of what had once been. Someone thought they would inspire with the phrase engraved on it. It only served to show how stupid they had been.

The desert was taking back the land.

A sniff and she clicked her tongue to keep moving. She hadn’t taken more steps before there was a grinding sound, metal on metal. The rifle over her shoulder was swung around and she gave a sharp command to the camel to lower down again.

Sand hissed as it was displaced behind the statue. Shahar used it as cover, aiming between the legs.

There was a loud call in the air as four wrapped up forms jumped out of the lift and ran towards her, their own weapons in hands.

No one called out a greeting. Which meant that as far as she was concerned, they were bandits that wanted her goods an animal. She wasn’t going to give up either of them so easily.

She didn’t fool around as she fired at the chests of the two coming towards her. One flew backwards to land with a thud and the other’s shoulder jerked backwards and the bandit’s steps paused before he came towards her again.

The other two who had come up laid low, using the lift they had come up in as shelter.

A stray shot bounced of the plating on her camel. The beast gave a growl and lowered its head down in response. Shahar scowled underneath the mask and pulled the small ball shaped object off the bandolier across her chest and pulled the pin before throwing it in their direction.

There was a pause in the gunfire before they yelled. She used the moment to climb up into the saddle, kicking her foot against the camel’s side. A switch to the flank had the lumbering mammal moving faster away from the bandits before there was an explosion behind her.

A girl needed to take care of herself.

 


Comments

09/19/2012 07:01

Congratulations to Nellie and J.M! Well done - both of you.

On a personal note; I appreciate you taking the time to review every piece - so thank you :)

Mine was from my trilogy, a sidelined scenario not included in the actual books, but something I should perhaps consider adding. (And, he's government. Head of the capitol)

Thanks again, and see you next week!

Reply
09/20/2012 13:04

Congrats Nellie and Jalisa!

Thanks for the feedback on my piece. Since it's part of a WIP, I'll take your consternation over the ending with a smile. :D

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