Me: I am not really talking to anyone. I am texting myself so that I look busy and important.
Myself: Dude, that is really lame. You need to see a shrink or something.
Me: I tried that but he kept falling asleep. After two sessions, he said I couldn't pay him enough to sit through another session.
Myself: You should have asked for your money back.
Me: I did. I even took him to court.
I: So, you got your money back?
Me: Nah, the judge said I was lucky that he didn't sue me for wasting his time. Then she charged me with contempt just for getting on her nerves.
Myself: Sorry bro, looks like I am the only friend you have.
Me: What are you talking about? I don't like you either!