Here's another taste of Undeclared.  For more great flash fiction check out #FridayFictioneers
_ "I can't believe it's over," Luke said.

Margot gazed out at the horizon.  Thick clouds extended and diversified the colors of the sunset.  Pale champagne spilled into amber. 

"I half expect her to walk over those hills," she said.

"Lifetimes are like winter days, the sunset always comes too soon."  Luke wiped his tears as the warm colors cooled to violet then cobalt.

"The breathtaking colors are only half of the reason why sunset is so beautiful, Luke."

"What do you mean, Margot?"

"The dying day reminds us that night too will fade and the morning sun will rise again."

2/2/2012 10:33:32 pm

Lovely dialogue, it gives a sense of recent loss, yet optimism rules.

If you wish to see mine:

2/2/2012 10:37:16 pm

Great job! I like the "pale champagne spilled into amber". Great imagery!

2/2/2012 10:37:44 pm

The choice of colours you use is amazing, out of the ordinary. Some really profound dialog too. This one especially ""Lifetimes are like winter days."

I did find that last line a bit, uhm, heavy-handed, but that might just be me.

ron pruitt
2/2/2012 11:37:50 pm

Such beautiful descriptive passages. I can see those colors in the sunset. A haunting sense of loss expressed. Very good writing.
Here's mine:

2/3/2012 12:16:37 am

This is stunning writing, it really moved me. I loved the two characters and their shared sense of loss, but also the hope you imbued into those final lines. They are my favourite words of the piece, but "pale champagne spilled into amber" is inspired description.

2/3/2012 02:55:04 am

Nicely done, Wakefield. I can feel the loss and the acknowledgement of change in night to day. :)

2/3/2012 03:13:42 am

There's a lot hidden in that dialogue, which is always my favorite way to reveal a story. I enjoyed this a lot.

here's mine:

2/3/2012 03:58:58 am

Best line for me was: "I half expect her to walk over those hills." Excellent dialogue. Here's mine:

2/3/2012 04:25:52 am

Well that is a pretty life affirming tale.

2/3/2012 06:41:24 am

You've really made the most of the limited word count here. You could even say you've made the word count count (if you had no sense of shame). Being a jaded cynic, it's nice to occasionally be surprised by an upbeat ending. I get the sense that there is more to this story than this one entry, and I am intrigued.

Here's my entry:

2/3/2012 10:51:41 am

Loved that Wakefield. You were in a philosophical mood, too. The feeling of expecting a recently departed loved one to 'just walk over that hill' is a hard feeling to shake and you captured it perfectly.

2/3/2012 10:59:11 am

Wow. This was really well done. Written in a deceptively light style that held deep undertones. Really nice.
Here's mine:

2/4/2012 02:01:56 am

This felt biblical with its sweep, Robin

2/4/2012 03:42:39 am

The very fact that the colour word "cobalt" is underused by other writers makes the beauty of this description that much more compelling.

Here's my story:

2/5/2012 03:25:56 pm

Lovely piece on hope and optimism.
Great dialog!

2/5/2012 06:56:56 pm

The use of so many colors, and some of those reserved mainly for artistic uses and description, say a lot about the omnipotent narrator. As others have said, there could be something to the Biblical, God as artist, here. I'm not sure if that is what you intended.

The links to my drabbles are here:

2/6/2012 10:01:41 pm

Gorgeous imagery. I really appreciate all the color descriptors and agree with whoever said that it felt biblical. I had a busy weekend that prevented me from getting around to the stories as soon as I would have liked, but thanks for posting -- glad I got here.


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