Let me see, the first time I went with you, they cut off my favorite body part and now I'll never be the same. The next time, that mean woman in the white jacket stabbed me with a needle for no apparent reason.
Even when they don't hurt me, you make me wear that ridiculous hat and put it on upside down so I can't clean myself.
That's why I left you a present in the kitchen this morning. December 21st can't come soon enough. Rescue me from Earth my Siriusian brothers!