_Let me start this article by saying I object to the column subtitle.  I am not a five-time loser, I call it winning.  Besides, I have a hot girl named Hinata who gets naked for me every night.  Or at least she will whenever I can find the cheat codes in English.
So if you're still reading this column I suppose you want me to tell you how to keep that thing you call a relationship together.  I still think it's pointless but here are some pointers.
  • Always establish blame and never accept blame for anything
  • Focus on comparing yourself to your mate
  • Communicate as little as possible
It's important to establish whose fault it is whenever difficulties arise or even when you find yourself unhappy.  Failure to make this important distinction will leave you on the bottom end of the totem pole.  Someone once said that in every situation there is his story, her story and the truth.  I think that's silly.  If try to see things from your partner's perspective, then you might actually begin to feel empathy and worse yet, you might even admit you were wrong.  Obviously being perfect, you've never actually been wrong.

Which brings us to comparisons.  You've always been perfect, right?  You're partner has put on a few pounds and really let themselves go.  Meanwhile, you go to the gym three times a week, only eat protein shakes. You're looking better than ever! 
More importantly, your partner just isn't the same person you fell in love with.  They've become cold and distant while you have just been a ray of sunshine.  Here you are, you've forgiven every slight, you hug them even when they irritate you, you go out of your way to praise and encourage them every single day. You frequently go above and beyond offering to help them with the work you normally expect them to do, so what are they so cranky about?