Turmoil

Turmoil
Embroiled in feelings
Reaching out for nothing
Angry with myself for the selfishness that consumes me, that consumes everything in my life
Leaving me unsatisfied
Devouring everything in sight yet hungry for more
Angry, scared, lonely
What is this life?
Why can’t I master my own body, my desires, and my will?
Help me
Comfort me.

You, the One who knows me intimately
I can’t believe that you haven’t snuffed me out
Washed me away in a cleansing flood
Where is the rainbow now?
I can’t see it but I hold on to your promise
I believe in you
But, even demons do that
II cling to you with all of my strength
Still, I am so very weak
Distractions
Flirtations with disaster
The enemy surrounds me on all sides
He comes to steal my joy, my birthright
“You are no child of the King,” he tells me
You are born of wickedness and sin. How could you ever be clean?
But you O Lord
You are my true Father

I remember when we walked together in the garden
I broke your one simple rule and you cast me out into the desert
Yet, even in the wilderness of Sin, you were there
You’ve guided me by cloud in the daytime and in the fire by night
It’s been almost forty years and I can almost see the Promised Land
I sent my son Joshua ahead, Caleb with him and they believed and trusted you to deliver them
Once again, I hesitated
Trusting in my own strength I hesitated when saw the giant
Therefore, I wander without hope bound only by my own blindness and fear
Still, I am not without hope

You delivered me from the giant when I was weak
Not my strength or the stone but faith brought Goliath to his knees
I had gone mad, consulting with witches and men who claimed they were wise
Once more, you comforted me with your sweet music
Again, I grew restless, full of myself from my victories
I saw her from the rooftop and I had to have her.
Remember me O Lord
Revive me and restore the joy of my salvation

I asked you for wisdom and you gave me all that I asked for and even more than that
So, I built a great temple in your name
Yet again, I forgot you and found myself in bondage to sin again
For years I cried out to you
You sent me messengers of your grace and love but I ignored them, and hurled insults at them
Finally, you came to me directly
You placed your hands on me and the uncleanness fell away
The scales fell away from my eyes

Now I wait upon your return O Lord
The dragon is loose in the world
The wanton woman calls out my name,
enticing me to forget you and drink from her cursed fountain
Who is like God? Come and slay the dragon
Bind up the deceiver for the last time
Wash me in your holy fire and set clean linens on me
That I may praise forever the name of Him who was, is, and is to come.
Eternal, only wise God, full of glory and wonder
Reign in my heart forever
May your name be praised.